Audition Lines for Dalmatians

Puppies

ROGER

Well, if it isn't our neighbor Cruella De Vil come to pay us a visit!

CRUELLA

What on earth is all that racket? How am I ever going to get my beauty sleep???

PEPPER

Beauty sleep???

PATCH

Did she say beauty sleep?

LUCKY

That's a laugh!!!(The PUPPIES snicker, but PERDITA's bark quietly quiets them. ANITA tries to divert CRUELLA's attention.)

Roger Anita Cruella

ANITA

Why Cruella, what a lovely fur!

CRUELLA

(preening)
Do you like it? It's a genuine one-of-a-kind and cost ooooodles of pounds! Now I have almost completed my collection of every kind of fur coat in the entire world!

ANITA

It's ... lovely. And I am terribly sorry about the noise. Really, the puppies mean no harm at all. 

CRUELLA

Well, just be sure the puppies don't do it again! I don't want the yowls and growls of spotted little furry creatures … (inspiration dawns)
Spotted little furry creatures … (embracing the puppies)
Why, I don't think I've quite seen anything like them. Look at the depth! Look at the patterns! Why, they're practically works of art!(aside)
And just what I need to complete my collection! (abruptly)
You know what? I've changed my mind. I've been without a pet long enough. No one to play with. I can't wait to wear … (catches herself)
... I mean, care for all the little puppies. I'll buy the whole litter! How much?

ANITA

Oh, I'm afraid we can't give them up. Poor Perdita would be heartbroken!

CRUELLA

Anita, don't be ridiculous. You can't possibly afford to keep them. You can scarcely afford to feed yourselves. (chuckles, ripping off a check) Here's a hundred for the lot.

ROGER

Cruella, we're not selling the puppies.

CRUELLA

Oh, surely, you must be joking. (rips another check) Two hundred!

ROGER

(intimidated)
No, no, no. I - I - I mean it.

CRUELLA

Fine, you've forced my hand.(rips another check) Three zillion pounds. And that's my final offer!

ROGER

I'm sorry, Cruella.(takes a breath, mustering his resolve)
We are not selling a single one.(ROGER rips the check, and hands them back to CRUELLA.)

CRUELLA

Why you horrid man. You ... you ... All right. Keep the little beasts for all I care. Do as you like with them. Drown them. But I warn you, I'll get even. Just wait. You'll be sorry! You fools! You ... you ... nincompoops!(CRUELLA storms out. The DOGS bark after her.)

Cruella Horace Jasper

CRUELLA

What do you mean we've run out of fur! We can't have run out of fur! This pattern calls for a muff and boots! I want my matching muff and boots!

HORACE

Blimey, Cruella! We've brought up every Dalmatian puppy in all of London!

JASPER

And there are no more for sale in a hundred miles of here!

CRUELLA

(laughing wickedly) Who said anything about a sale? My muff and boots are living right next door ...

HORACE

But I thought that couple with all the dogs was living next door.

CRUELLA

Exactly, you nincompoop!

JASPER

You mean ...

CRUELLA

That's right! I think it's time we pay dear Roger and Anita another visit. Come along, boys. It's time to make our plans ..

CRUELLA

(exasperated)
Don't you nincompoops get it? The puppies are supposed to stay safe inside. But how can they resist, once they hear their favorite song ...

HORACE

"Row, Row, Row Your Boat"?

JASPER

"Happy Birthday to You"?

CRUELLA

No, no, no, you dolts!!!!(CRUELLA holds the Krunchies right up to the faces of HORACE and JASPER.)
Hellloooo!

CRUELLA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!(CRUELLA's wicked laugh quickly changes to a mortified scream as she realizes that the PUPPIES have escaped.) Aaaaaaaaah! My puppies! My puppies!!!

JASPER

Hey, Horace! Look. They're gone. They flew the coop.

CRUELLA

Well, don't just stand there, you idiots! After them!!!